Body pulls me.

Most of my life I've felt I'm not the one living, and I'm not talking about the "freedom" issue, is something more bizarre (or at least that's how it appears to me). It's like I'm filming a movie 24/7, I'm the camera guy capturing someone else's life. Almost everything seems so vague and far and surreal. But somtimes the body pulls me, a cut a a punch a headache a fall the begining of a bruise, makes me realize I am this, and this is happening. To me.
I like pain, physical pain, because it makes me conscious, lets me know that I actually am here. These cramps, these migranes, these blood and open tissue are tangible, they appear on diagnosis, they EXIST. Pain sharpens me, it murmurs Yes, This is You, You Are Here, it murmurs.